{_𝐘𝐋𝐋_} Im glad to hear from you after a while. I hoped you were alright since your posts before. I am very sorry your problems got to this point. It is very sad. But I am very happy you realize this is a problem and I hope you take the steps to figuring it out. We all root for you 💙

@Duchess #StayRandom 💯 (:

zack I see your stories about your father and… Im honestly surprised he’s not in jail. I dont know the guy, or know if he ever is nice on some occasions, but it doesnt seem like he’s ever given you any grace despite life circumstances. He’s a single man and isnt even trying to make you have a decent life. I’ll admit, I think about that sometimes. Especially that post you made about it going too far. That really resonated with me. He could have been locked up for that 100%. It is not easy to get justice for parents. Im at least really glad you still show up to everything in life despite everything. Even to this rinky dink forum. It’s really hard to deal with people who seem to go completely out of their way to be a jerk, and with the internal disgust with that person will likely not go away for a long time, if ever. But Im very glad you dont ever blame yourself. A lot of people give up when the enemy is too strong and begin to feel at fault for “not trying enough.” Your father seems like a rage baby and doesnt understand anything he’s doing. People who will blame their child before they look within themselves are selfish and dont deserve kids at all. It’s the hardest thing to go through when you know your parent or parents dont have your best interest at heart and would throw you in front of them to protect their ego while simultaneously making sure youre put down enough to always stay behind them. I am sorry you are called names. It’s harder to ignore stuff like that than it is a random troll online. It’s personal. The only thing i know that helps is dethroning someone in your mind and everything they say so it feels less impactful. Fighting back is the first thing anyone would want to do but it makes things worse every time. There’s not a single thing said that could ever change someone like that, even if it feels right inside to make yourself heard. It doesnt matter what people like your father hears. It will always be filtered through whatever mental problem he has.

I dont think there’s anything I could ever say that could lighten your load, but Im cheering you on untill you never have to see that clown ever again.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Y’know, the disorder where one disrespects people of authority? (like I disrespect my mom and dad quite a bit, but that’s cuz of my disorder.) It kinda explains itself with the “oppositional defiant” thing, like someone says black, I say white, someone says white, I say black. However, my mom likes to call ANYTHING opposite from what she says as me being “oppositional” and it’s ANNOYING. like she’ll say a food item that I don’t particularly like and so I say what I actually like and she fucking calls it “oppositional” like I’m not stating one of my favourite foods and instead just saying it so that I can be the opposite of my mom. it bugs me so much and I hate it when she does that. I feel like more people should actually know about ODD and consider it real, but also don’t be like my mom who misunderstands it and almost practically (IDK I GUESS) make fun of me for it. (no offence to my mom, I love her lol, it’s just she can be REALLY ANNOYING sometimes.)

Real chat

К𝚲𝝉𝒾𝚵, I’m so scared of the future, К𝚲𝝉𝒾𝚵.

I’m scared of betrayal because of you, Jayce Gilpin.

I miss being loved because of you, К𝚲𝝉𝒾𝚵.

I’m scared of being alone because of ∞

Ȋ’ḿ ìṇ á ďơẅņẃǻŗḏ ṧṕǐṟäꝉ…

К𝚲𝝉𝒾𝚵, I’m so alone, К𝚲𝝉𝒾𝚵…

I’m tired of losing the connection, К𝚲𝝉𝒾𝚵.

But even if I was brave enough to seek it, nobody would connect to somebody like me.

I ‘ m ⠀⠀a l o n e . . .

We’ve only so much time. I wish you could be mine, evermore… Maybe there’s nowhere to explore. I was made for you, and you were made for me. Simply, you and me were meant to be. See me as I dance with you in the sea, scenes that were once left unseen. Believe.

Soon it will just be us two. Too many tunes to lose, yet I know they’re overdue. Blue hues move through the moon, but all I view is you.

Hear me here, for someday my voice might not be near. My dear, steer clear of the tears, for they are mere days compared to our years. Let them vanish and disappear like mere peers in the crowded piers.

I was made for you, and you were made for me. We need to be, I want to be yours for eternity. Never leave, just believe me when I speak your name by the sea. Infinity is where I want us to flee, for I just want to leave our purgatory. Dream with me by the sea as I recite my stories.

Stay by my side as I lie in the night, and fly into the sky. Just you and I rising high into the bright light, letting it ignite blind eyes and bind our minds in sight. Time might hide the truth from our flight, but wherever we go tonight, I know it’ll be paradise as long as it’s just you and I.

Lost in the dark, we embark in the sky we claim as ours. Lost in the stars.

It’s all been heard before, but now I mean it more. Soar off of the floor and reach the eye of the storm, take form in the war torn land to bring peace once more. It is you I’d do anything for, and it’s only you that I adore. Leave behind the blizzard’s core and reach the warmth beyond. This story of ours will go on and on.

The blurring days stray from my lane, and I drift away from the sane. Towards your name I sway, drawn towards the same pain. I deserve to feel this way, so why should I stay out of the blaze? I don’t want this fate, but I know I deserve to be trapped in this cage. Rage against the rays of joy’s gaze.

…

The flames of blame scorch my frame, and I wait through the pain. My fears and hate cast a nightmare parade upon the streets of my membrane, setting the buildings ablaze as the citizens run away. Maybe I’m crazy, and my hazy memories are invading my veins, see? A cybernetic train makes its way through the city of ads and vain. Acid rain and storms came, and soon the lakes fell into disarray.

…

Etched into stone, your name echoes and bellows in the land below. Knowing what I know, I can’t afford to let you go. I’m so scared of being on my own, without another soul to soothe my sorrow. I know they won’t, nobody wants to fix a waste of bones. Nobody would care if I broke and shattered into a million lone pieces of woe, nobody wants to sew a torn man woven by threads prone to taking tolls from evil roles.

…

I’m alone.

asher.dean.in.space I don’t know if this is gonna mean much coming from me, a stranger, but I’m proud that you haven’t yet. Everyone has thoughts of relapsing back to those kinds of things, addictions aren’t easy to get over, however the fact that you are coming to this community to talk about it and you haven’t yet makes you stronger than most people including myself. My advice to you is to stay strong and lean on people close to you, if you have a lover, talk to them, journal, you’ll make it!! And as for other people being okay above yourself, that’s not a good mindset, on planes, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before anyone else, that’s for a reason! You can’t save anyone else before you save yourself.

Listen, borrowed. Don’t let others intervene between your personal relationships with somebody. It’s natural to not like somebody. Nobody should force you to change your mind, even if all your friend like this one person that you don’t. It’s absolutely scummy to force others to get along, and it just causes more problems rather than solving them. I can empathize with you, I’ve been through this exact situation once, just in a more roundabout way.

I’m really sorry to hear that happened to you. It’s incredibly frustrating when you put in so much effort and someone ruins it at the last moment. It’s understandable to feel disheartened when things you enjoy get overshadowed by negative experiences with others.

Have you considered life experience as a possible factor?

finneass <33 …
still white schools bruh 🐧

What did I do… I wanna fix whatever I did wrong. I wanna be able to become someone better and someone who people will remember if I ever leave. I don’t want the spotlight but why. Just honestly why. I’ve been on the edge of coming home and writing a new death note and take it from there. I just honestly can’t do it anymore.

Bc I don’t get it. We’re doing math finals and… I don’t get it. Im failing three of my seven classes and if I don’t get the grades up I have to go to summer school. I have until the 30th of this month and I’m struggling. I fucking can’t breathe and I’m freaking out. My mom isn’t going to make me not go to summer school and it’s literally the whole summer. I fucking hate my school rn. My math teacher is a bitch too it’s like she hates me so how am I supposed to pass or try to pass this exam and this math final if I’m scared that she’s just going to get annoyed with me bc she gets annoyed whenever I ask to go to the bathroom. Like seriously just kill me atp. Bc I can’t do it anymore.

finneass <33 take a break, do whatever you need to do. You’re fine, don’t worry.

Wish you the best <3