a few weeks ago my mom comes up to me and goes ‘your boobs are bigger.’ then pokes them. i got very uncomfortable. so i walk away.

today my mom comes up to me while i’m unpacking from grandmas and goes ‘do your pants feel tighter? your butt looks bigger.’ and i, obviously very uncomfortable, go ‘okay.’
i then get very insecure and ask my mother ‘what do you mean-’
and then she goes on this ramble about how it’s normal and yada yada and i was like ‘well why are you staring’ and she’s like ‘i don’t have to-’ and then i just walk away, because um. and tgen she FOLLOWS ME and shes like ‘well didn’t you say you wanted a big booty?’ i’m eleven.
so i keep saying okay and she says ‘i’m not having this conversation.’ and walked away. then a few minutes later she comes back and says ‘next time you say something like that to me, i’ll respond like that. see how YOU feel.’
ah yes, becausee i, your daughter, will come up to you and remark that your gluteous maximus looks quite large today.

i sit like a damn dog. i stay for the praise and remain for the beating. All you need to do is butter me up again and i’ll stay for as long as you want. Sure, i’ll get upset. sure, i’ll try to leave. I can’t. I physically can’t. It’s like they’re some sort of FUCKING DRUG. I hate them. I hate them SO FUCKING MUCH. But i still talk to them. I still talk to them because i miss what we were. I need to get over it. i’m not their favorite anymore. it’s okay. their favorite won’t have that throne for long. we all get replaced someday.
they wouldn’t care if i left. but i stay, because i want us back. the ‘us’ that will NEVER come back.
i’m hurting, but i don’t want to acknowledge it.
they hurt me, and i acknowledge it. yet i do nothing about it.

because that’s what i am, aren’t i? a dumb dog.

bro i swear
im making everyone
mad
uncomfortable
just overall pissed off at me
snd yet i barely do anything
i dont even apologize
i just use the same fucking excuses

and i keep on victimizing myself
whenever soneone says something
i have the urge to say somethig that correlates to me
but then i contemplate because
its fucking selfish of me just to make everything about me

not to mentioned i easily replsce my friends
as soon as one gets off
i go to another one
then when they come back on
i go back to thrm and leave the person i WAS talking to

and im just annoying in general
i keep winding people up for entertainment
i dont know how to stop it
its just
i dont know
i just barely have any friends
friends that i dont piss off as reguarly as i do

im just gonna dump all of them
and when i want to restart
obviously i have my past actions
which makes thtem NOT want to be friends with me

im fucking done being friends
im fucking done of just pissing everyone off

thanks, i guess.

@divine I feel you bro- 🫂

i know, another vent post?

i’m sometimes friends with… toxic people. i suppose. They’ll use me, snap at me, mock me when i get upset… it’s annoying.
But for some DAMN reason, i can’t let go of them. Sure, i can temporarily get rid of them, but i ALWAYS wind up crawling back.
‘i’m done.’ will turn into conversing like normal just an hour later because the other knows if they act like nothing’s wrong it’ll manipulate my brain in such a way that i’ll forget i was upset at them.
BECAUSE I CAN’T STAY MAD AT PEOPLE. I TRY to hold grudges, i TRY to remember ‘hey, this person hurt me. i shouldn’t like them. this is WRONG.’ But i STILL can’t let go of them. It’s like trying to let go of a rope, but it’s tied around your wrist.
because they know that once they seep inside of my head like some sort of disease, make me giggle and feel happy… they can snap at me all they want, i’ll still miss them.

I meet someone - We talk - I get attached - They leave.

i feel like im just pissing everyone off atp
like i feel like im not good enough
i keep being annoying
like i just cnat control myself
how about i just end it all
and restart my life
so that i dont have to worry
about the people that
ive pissed off
i wonder
how would that sound?

im mostly the one to snap.
and that wont do me any good
they just get angry
and then tell me that im nothing but a burden
then i get all sensitive
and thats to their enjoyment
they like seeing me cry
im bringing them the satisfaction
i want to fucking torture them till theyre bruised and battered up with cuts
oh sweet life
wont you just listen to me

i cant do it
i just cant
i cant bring myself to do it
its not LIKE me.

im conflicted as fuck
im done
and im not
…

“You said you think that I should lose some weight. That shit cut deep so all I said was same.”

Sphinx bro what the fluff.
She literally sounds and seems like a true psychopath😭
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this like for real. I thought she was like “oh nope, your with your dad now so I don’t care about you and leave us alone” and now she’s taking you to court and doing all this other stuff. Like woman if your gonna be a mom this isn’t the way to do it

Is this in regard to mpp community or just in general?

i have no understanding of relationships, it seems. last night i was stoned via edible and kinda watching this conversation between my boyfriend and his friend. i had music going and i was zoned out while eating a wholeass can o pringles.
so i see that my name is mentioned and so i respond in my typical fashion.
well 'pparently that was wrong because they were talking about some sensitive subject and i was NOT paying attention. so my boyfriend got upset and went offline and his friend started ragging on me about how i dont really care and im unserious and i dont really love him.
so i didnt sleep well last night because i was upset, and today i spent the whole day in a fog. i couldnt even do my school. then fast forward an hour and im bawling my eyes out while trying to talk to my boyfriend and one of my best friends at the same time (he was trying to cheer me up).
did anything bad come out of this? no. i legit though we were over but we werent. so.
we smoothed things over and then i took a 30 minute nap and woke up two hours later.
i just. wanted to say this.
im so burnt out.

@Protocol no problem I don’t mind sitting there and just helping

she’s tired. Tired of me, tired of my dog, and tired of my chickens.

i’m a bother. I know i am. I’m tired of her constant snaps because i need something. I’m sick right now and i’m worrying about being too lazy because she’s exhausted.

i’m forcing myselff to stop being a child. To step up and deal with myself.
my mother says i’m the best thing that’s happened to her and yet… all i feel is that i’m a burden. i’ve even told my father about it.

I want to run away. Kill myself. Find another family that loves me.

I can’t imagine witnessing what you got through I am really sorry for you

Sorry I wasn’t signed in to witness this post but don’t kys man

" I’m not in the wrong "
" she jokes Abt it too "

Tell that to 3 people. Me, Wren, Basil.

And if I joked Abt it, Do you think they wouldn’t have stepped up for me? Exactly. They would’ve been out of my life by now. They would’ve Called me out, Cut me off, And walked away. So don’t gaslight me. Don’t twist this into a joke just because you can’t handle the weight of what you said. You’re not funny. You’re not right.

@YangyangsSluttyCunt said in

But why did you have to be so problematic?

You don’t care, You just like the idea of caring.

im just stressed
and overwhelmed
that
im making my friends angry
like
just seeing them vent to me
makes me feel overwhelmed
and i always feel like
its all my fault
i dont know why

I don’t want the weight of being the cause of my friends deaths anymore. It’s not my fault. I loved them. I always did. I never wanted them to end it. Yet you’re always like " You’re the reason. " " They did it because of you. " I don’t want to the the problem. It’s not always my fault of someone fucking killing themselves. You’re the one at fault. Not me. Fuck off. I’m not always the one to automatically blame just because I was close with them. Fuck you. Every time something bad happens to my close friends, You’re always so quick to look at me and accuse me. What the fuck are you looking at you fucking bitch. Fuck off. I’m not always the problem. I don’t want to be. Even though I’m not. You’re just covering up the goddamn fact you’re the one that drove them to cause it. And you’re too scared to live with the fact you borderline murdered my fucking only will to live. It’s painful. You’re painful.

all because of a phone number.