I don’t hate him because he abuses me, i dont hate him because he sa’s me-

I hate him because he isn’t there.

He isn’t a father, he just, lives with us. Moderates all day because he’s so sure it’ll come into something more and he’ll get paid six figures. But it gets to a point where you start to worry if money is even worth it. If his chromebook gets a low battery warning he starts scrambling looking for a child as if a device dying will cause his entire bloodline to perish. Though honestly, i dont think he’d care if it did by now.

He’s too sucked up trying to figure out which trumpie lawyer he’s supposed to moderate today because OBVIOUSLY taking your child to something that’s ending for the last time this year is not as important as pasting a link in chat and raiding out a stream.

just a few days ago, when my cold was starting, i was getting very stressed and when i get stressed i get nauseous. We’re a three minute drive away from home. But OH NO, he has to tell all his friends on rumble he’ll be wight back and he has to paste a link that takes five minutes as his OWN FUCKING CHILD sits next to him in the passenger seat with a bEEF JERKY BAG as a barf bag because he cant get home. I was literally shaking and whimpering like some sort of scared dog because 1 i hate being nauseous and 2 hed bitch about it if i did spew. ‘can you wait five minutes i need to paste a link’ I SHOULDNT HAVE HELD IT IN AND FUCKING THREW UP ON HIM, SEE HOW HE FUCKING LIKES THAT. AND YKW HE DOES. HE FUCKING STOPS AT THE GAS STATION. I ALMOST WALKEDD IN THERE AND BOUGHT A SNACK OR SOME SHIT LIKE THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU’RE GETTING GAS AM I NOT IMPORTANT TO YOU OR SOMETHING???

I CANT RELY ON HIM FOR SHIT, EITHER.

‘get your dad to do it’ basically means ‘it’s not gonna happen and you have todo it yourself’

two nights ago, i wanted grapes at like 10:pm. my mom says dad can get me grapes
it gets to like 12 am and i look in the fridge and turn to my dad [whos literally sitting on the couch ‘moderating’ like 6 feet away] and i note ‘man, i’m not sure if there’s grapes, can you check?’ and he says he will [now he SWEARS he said i should check but whatever]
1:am no grapes. [speaking of to ask for somethnig when i dont know how i just note shit like that my parents are used to it im just adhd what can i say im not funny] so i fall asleep and i tell my dad in the morning around 10 am. so- um. it got to 12 and he threw a pissy fit when i asked muttering something about me being ‘annoying’ because i wanted gRAPES???

i got the grapes myself because obviously the man of the house can’t for his BY THE WAY VERY MUCH SO SICK CHILD. LIKE I WAS SNIFFLY SWEATY HOT DISORIENTED THE WORKS.

and my dad always does shit like this and claims he misheard me or uses his adhd as a crutch like ‘o-oh, it’s just becase i have horrible time management!!!’ but it’s gotten to the point where if someone asks ‘why are you so late??’ i just say ‘my dad.’ and they instantly get it because i can never be on time if he takes me somewhere. I didn’t even KNOW it was POSSIBLE for your dad to fix something straight away without nagging him a lot as a kid. ‘dad my leapad ran out of batteries:(’ ‘oh damn that sucks’ ‘can you- put batteries in it?’ ‘yeah five minutes’ 30 minutes later ‘oh dad thanks!’ goes back to get leapad ‘n-no, i didn’t put batteries in it yet.’

like that was such a normal in my house i genuinely got shocked as a little lad when ppl told me they just get shit done??? like i didnt know that was POSSIBLE but its just because my fat lard of a father cant do shit

forgot to mention but like- he gets genuinely annoyed at me when i tell him i accedentally bled on something when im on my period. like i think hes sort of sexist or something because he doesnt support feminists, doesnt support abortion, doesn’t support divorce [makes sense because my mother still tolerates him and hasn’t left him yet, probably because of their religion i don’t know LMAO], doesn’t support like- 90% of womens 🍇 cases… bc like

a few months ago i accidentally bled on my carpet, accident right?

‘dad can you help me get blood out of my carpet later? i accidental-’

SIIGGHHHHH ‘ZOf, YOU cAn’T KEEP USIN THIS AS AN EXCUSE ANYMORE, ITS NOT CUTE.’

apologies for bleeding against my will, you will begin to cough in five days ❤️

Tenna!! | 🟡🐙 oh… are you alright-? how’re you currently doing?

ok, wasn’t deleted, but will be posted on here again .

It aches and hurts badly, Knowing you love someone that you know you can’t have.

I Love Her So Bad That It Hurts. I Treat Her As If She’s Sacred. Like She’s The Only Thing In This Damn World That’s Pure And Worth Fighting For. If Loving Her Means I’m Breaking Myself, Then I’m Already Shattered, But I Don’t Care. Because She’s Not Just Someone I Like. She’s Like My Other Half. If I Can’t Hold Her, If I Can’t Look Into Her Eyes And Tell Her She’s Mine, Then I Don’t Wanna Exist. I’d Rather Fade Away Than Live Without Her. And If The World Tells Me I’m Crazy For Loving Her This Much, Then Fine. I’m Crazy. Because Loving Her Is The Only Truth I’ve Ever Known.

(This reply was pre-typed, I didn’t feel like typing more thing after I posted this.)

What’s this about?

Please know Im making my own acc and this post will be deleted and I will post it on my acc.

ok so i pulled an all nighter, wanted to stay awake for the whole day, then slept at 7am, waking up at 3pm, i feel hot, i feel pain, and i feel like im in a dream, and idk what to do, i’ve been feeling uncomfortable the whole day, and everything just feels off, the weathers terrible, there was barely anything to do, i dont know if i was just bored or tired but i really didnt like today, tomorrow might be a bit worse due to the weather, because usually i feel uneasy when its like REALLY cloudy, so it might be much worse because of it, goddamnit i need someone to help me

@OY-SSTUFF

Zamn cuh, I didn’t know there was an abbreviation for discord.

I just had a horrible nightmare… So as you may know, I ran away from my bio mom just the begining of this year to live with my bio dad. Hes better, more supportive, and hasn’t caused me any issues. Me, him, and his wife all agree that she abused me… I was mostly just blind to her attacks and saw it as tough love or a lesson.
The dream was about me running away again, but it happened differently. Instead of my dad picking me up, I ran away without telling anyone. I walked for about 7 miles before I reached a school that was open on tour, I walked inside and asked the ladies in there to help me hide just incase a strange lady decided to come in looking for me. They did. I also had an old phone she had given me but taken away. I had two phones in this dream, one my mom gave me, and one my dad gave me. She took the one my dad gave me, deleted discord and snap so I wouldn’t try to call him and left my old phone. She also left the house. I took that as an opportunity to take the old phone and run away.

At the school I realized my phone was dead from not being used for so long. I tried asking the students and teachers if they have any C type chargers and no body had one. So I went back home and realized she came back home too and left the phone my dad gave me on her bed charging. She also left the house again to look for me as she found out I ran away. I took the phone, it was on 78 percent. I went back to the school for the Wi-Fi and I called my dad on discord. Called him once. He didn’t answer. Called him twice. He didn’t answer. Called him three times he answered. It was like 3 in the morning and he was still sleeping but he answered. "Yeah!? " I said "dad it’s me. " he said "Oh hey sweets! How are you? Why are you calling so early? " I told him I ran away. I cried and said I wanted him to pick me up and that I was scared. I could feel my heart racing and my breath getting heavy. I also told him (forgot to add) that my step brother (my dads wife’s son) tried telling me to go back home and my dad said "That is very unlike him. " and he said he would pick me up but I’d had to find somewhere to sleep cause it was going to take a while. Thats when I woke up. My heart was racing. Breathing still heavy. I was scared to open my eyes cause I thought I was in the place that harmed me. (My moms house) then I realized I ran away already and that I was at my dads house and that I was safe. I was still hesitant on opening my eyes but I did it.

That was the most realistic, horrifying, and traumatizing dream I’ve had this month.

If you wanna know how my mom treated me and how she affected me and had me run away from her, check out this post
https://mpp.community/forum/topic/60952/all-the-posts-i-ve-made-about-my-mom-vent-timeline/2?_=1753680643102

when you tell someone you like about something you’re excited about and then they respond with a ‘joke’ that’s basically just borderline mocking and you realize everything else you were going to tell them they would also make fun of and then you regret telling them it and feel this weird senese of unease and just dont want to continue the conversation

‘i dont understand it so i’m going to make fun of it instead of being respectful’ mentality is NOT it 💔

h4lfie I hope he’s ok-

every day, it’s something, drama, vents, and i always have to be included, i want to help, but at the same time i dont also wanna live with the stress of being included WITH their stress as im the one helping the person that NEEDS that help.

Until you feel absolutely insecure about doing normal stuff around people, like going to the toilet, EATING, DRINKING. i just keep my head down, think i stand out from everyone, i try to tell myself, ‘yeah everyones doing their own thing’ but ONE little peek at me gets me all embarrased, to the point I just wanna sit down and do nothing, starving myself, only if it means I won’t feel like this.

@Raven I’d just draw alone tbh (ts reminds me of early mpp 🥀…)

@your_search_history_scares_me that seems really like, traumatic, god damnit you’re parents are like, fully psychopathic, grandparents, siblings, like HUH? try to take some time to acknowledge and accept your feelings, talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling, like me, do some nice Activities that you enjoy, for example making Kandi bracelets, but also make sure you eat well, exercise, and try your best to sleep, no judging but the way i sleep is that i find a VERY comfort bit, then i pretend i sleep with my fav character, as in cuddly way, remember that none of this is your fault, its their fault, so please don’t blame yourself for something YOU didn’t do.

@your_search_history_scares_me it sounds as if you have been going through a hard time at home, stress and sleep deprivation from camp, then found out your personal space being destroyed by your mum cleaning ur room and your grandparents being present, cuz it does seem this made you feel overwhelmed, considering the fact you were called rude for saying hi and wanting to fix your own bed yourself, and you also said you felt uncomfortable when your mother hugged you, and i get it, i really do jordan, obviously if you wanna vent to me, you can, only when im not sleeping my ass off 😭

of course, something might’ve happened to that building, and it stands out, atleast does it? does it stand out from all the other good buildings? now its owned as the abandoned building in the middle of a busy city, but, this post isnt about an abandoned building in the middle of city.

@Siloxa922 I mean true, ilysm /p

@Siloxa922 are you okay? I’m here if you need to vent or anything