Me and my partner were on call today, we were just finishing up playing some horror games when he suddenly mentioned (and continued mentioning) having sex.
I am afraid of intimacy, and I have strongly made that clear over the years, but he didn’t listen. It’s obvious why I am afraid of intimacy but for the new people or maybe the people who aren’t aware, when I was only a baby I was molested by my own biological father and other family members.
The situation was handled legally but I still struggle with that trauma, and therefore have developed a deep seated disgust with the topic of sex. So when he brings it up I tell him every time that I am not interested in having it.
In fact I even told him he could go to other woman for it, and it wouldn’t bother me at all.
I have just gotten over my hypersexuality. I don’t need this.
I have always been and always will be afraid of intimacy, rightfully. Exposure to it will not fix anything besides make me incredibly uncomfortable, and want to avoid the culprit completely.
Once I am financially stable I will search for therapy but for now I am stuck venting as a way to cope with this.
I am also sick of fucking assholes saying “Oh but you don’t know what it’s like so how would you judge it at all??” or “I could easily fix that” NO THE FUCK YOU CAN’T STOP TRYING
Thank you for reading, sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I am also incredibly uncomfortable.
