I donβt even know what to feel anymore. One second, Iβm numb. The next, Iβm breaking down. Then Iβm angry, but not at anyone. Just at everything, at nothing, at myself. I canβt even tell if Iβm sad or just exhausted. I think Iβm both. Or maybe Iβm neither. Maybe Iβm just empty.
I want to scream at the world, but whatβs the point? No one listens. No one cares. People pretend. They nod, they offer half-hearted words, but in the end, they all leave. They all let me down. They all promise, and they all break me. And the worst part? I let them. Every time. I let them walk in, I let them make me believe, I let them carve their words into my skin like a brand, like a mark I can never wash off. And as for when they leave? Itβs always the same. Like I was nothing. Like I am nothing. Like I never mattered in the first place. Maybe I didnβt. Maybe I never will.
I just want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop questioning my worth every time someone decides Iβm not enough for them. I want to stop feeling like a burden, like a mistake, like Iβm just waiting to be discarded. I want to stop having to remind myself that I deserve better, only to never actually get it. I donβt know if Iβm asking for too much. I donβt even know what Iβm asking for anymore. I just know that I donβt wanna keep living like this.
